Shiloh Stark: Honor
by Lady Olivia Devereax
Summary: Shiloh's married to Peter in vol 3 of the Shiloh Stark series! But she decides that she also wants her own children. It seems to be impossible. Missions become compromised, friends become enemies, and the will to survive may be all she has.


Three months ago, Peter asked me to marry him. Spider-Man asked Iron Eagle to marry him. Three months ago, Director Fury tried to take Andy away from me. Three months ago, Pepper stepped up and claimed that she wanted to mother Andy.

Two months ago, Director Fury allowed Andy to stay with Pepper, but only because my father threatened to pull us out and move to Russia. And now, present day in New York, I'm staring in a mirror.

At myself, obviously. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd ever stare at this reflection. I wore a floor length white dress. It was tight fitting around the breast and waist, but loose almost everywhere else. The long white sleeves clung to my arms, and ended in a triangle of fabric over my knuckles, looped to my middle fingers.

The veil was long and came down to my waist, dotted with tiny fake rose buds. Pepper was stringing a diamond and sapphire necklace around my neck. She had tears in her eyes as she did. Natasha stood by, scowling as Ava helped her into a navy blue bridesmaids dress. Gwen and Mary Jane were also there, along with Jane and Darcy.

Nervousness fluttered in my stomach and I groaned, pressing my fingers against it. As I did, I suddenly imagined my belly round and heavy with child. Tears filled my eyes. It was a strange, random thought, but it was bearing down on my thoughts. It had been for a while. I reasoned that, being a SHIELD agent, I could not possibly raise a child.

But I wanted to. I wanted to so badly. Pepper stared at my reflection in the mirror, spotted my moist eyes and the location of my hands and pulled me around to face her. She sniffled, tucking a strand of hair behind my veil. "Honey," she choked on her words.

"You have Andy. And Peter." "I know, Mama." The name seemed to startle her, but it was the only one I could think of that would let her know how much I really loved her. "But it's not the same."

"I know, baby," she sniffled again. "But there's nothing you can do about that. So you must accept it. Be happy, Shiloh. Today is your wedding day. You're marrying the man you truly love. Nothing will ever be better than that." She said. Pepper swept the veil aside just enough to kiss me on the cheek, and then stepped back, inspecting me. She wiped her tears away and sighed, smiling brightly.

"Now. They should tell us at any minute, so let's hurry." She said. I went behind the dressing screen to wipe my face and re apply smeared make up. Suddenly, Natasha was beside me. "I understand how you feel, although I don't long for it as strongly as you do." She said.

"Thank you, Natasha. I know." I smiled. She surprised me by wrapping me in a strong, heartfelt embrace. "I'm very proud of you, Agent Stark." She said, stepping back and saluting. I returned the gesture, straightening. "Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am. Permission to speak." I requested.

"Granted." Natasha looked at me with cold professionalism. "When are you and Clint going to get together? 'Cause, seriously, you guys are pitiful!" I said in a teasing tone. Natasha turned dark red and she put me in a head lock. As we wrestled, I felt a warmth that came from friendship so close that could have been mistaken for family.

"Girls, girls. You rip my grandmother's dress I'll shoot you with your own guns." Pepper said, helping me up and straightening my dress. "Ma'am yes ma'am!" We shouted jokingly. Pepper rolled her eyes and dragged me out into the open. Tony came in and took Pepper's arm.

Clint came and 'swept' Natasha away. Danny and Ava. Sam and Mary Jane. Luke and Gwen. Thor and Jane. Steve and Darcy. And then Tony, who led Pepper up, snuck back down and came back, escorted me to the aisle.

We began to walk. Music began to play. I began to smile. My tears were momentarily forgotten as I saw Andy run eagerly down the aisle towards Steve, the pillow with two rings safely taped to it clutched in his hands. The church chuckled at the sight.

Steve let Andy hold his hand in front of him as Andy stood and smiled at me. I giggled at him, and Tony glanced at me. "I'm nervous, Daddy." I whispered. "You won't be." He assured me. I laughed uneasily and stared at Peter's face.

"You're beautiful," Tony said. "Peter and Clint think so too." He added. I glanced at the men. "Cut it out." I growled. Yes, Clint and Peter were staring at me, but so were the entire group of people here. I stopped in front of the steps. Tony kissed my cheek.

He stared up at Peter, who gave a slight nod. Tony squeezed my hand and went to stand opposite Pepper. I climbed the steps one by one, smiled at Andy, and went to stand at Peter's side.

The preacher began to speak. Tony was right. I wasn't nervous any more. I was excited. The day I'd dreamed of for months had arrived. And I had no doubts.

And then those words. Those six words. "You may now kiss the bride." I smiled as Peter lifted the veil over my head and let it fall down my back. Then he and I leaned forward and kissed and we were married.

I smiled and laughed. Peter blushed, looked down and then took my hand. He was my husband, and I was his wife. Then I remembered, again, that haunting thought, my no-children dilemma. Peter understood my sudden down heartedness, because I had spoken to him non stop about it for three months.

He shared my feelings, on a slightly less public degree, but he told me that he loved me, and he loved Andy. And everything would be alright. And I believed him.

Someone barreled into me and I took a step back in surprise. "Rogue?!" I demanded incredulously. "Shiloh, you're married!" She exclaimed. "I know I invited you, Kitty and Bobby, but I didn't see you." I said, smiling and hugging her again. "We were upstairs in the back." Rogue explained.

Bobby and Kitty grinned and waved from behind her. Bobby looked uncomfortable. I gave Peter a meaningful look. He winked at me and went to talk to Bobby.

An hour later, we had danced and were eating at Avengers Tower. Clint continued to pretend that I could have done better by marrying him. I finally pulled him aside and said, "Clint, honestly, could you talk to her?" I pleaded.

"Who?" "Natasha!" I exclaimed. Clint's face fell. "What?" I demanded. "Are you afraid? The worst she can do is say no." Clint raised an eyebrow. Okay, that wasn't true. Natasha could seriously hurt him, as though saying no wouldn't shred his heart anyway.

"She's afraid of me." He said bluntly. "What? Natasha? No way." I shook my head. "No! Really! I lost my temper once, a little while ago. She was training with me, and I handled her roughly, pinning her down. She recoiled, and I knew she was thinking of when Loki had me captive." Be sighed. "It's like she thinks he's still in there." He pointed at his head.

"But he's not. Look at him. He's changed. Loki isn't controlling anyone." I gestured at the god of mischief, who was laughing and talking with Darcy.

"Clint, don't you love her?" I stared into his eyes, and he gave me a weird look. I knew he wasn't going to tell me. After all these years. He'd give me a heart to heart about my love life, but he was tight as a clam when it came to him. "I see." I backed up, hurt.

"No, Shiloh, you don't understand—" Clint reached for my arm and I jerked it away. "No, you...you don't..." I shook my head and twisted away, leaving my own party to sit in my room.

My phone rang. It was Peter. "Shy?" "Hey, I'm in my room. I'm fine, I just need to sit for a minute." I explained. "Do you want me to come?" "No. No, Peter, I'd like a bit of quiet. I'll be up in a minute." I said.

"Okay, honey. It's okay, you know. You know I love you even though you can't have children." He said. "I know. Thank you." I said. He acknowledged and I ended the call. I turned and changed into a normal white dress, just something comfortable.

I collapsed on my bed and sobbed. I didn't notice my door opening silently. "Shiloh? Shiloh, why are you crying." Clint's concerned voice alerted me to his presence. He sat down beside me and ran a hand down my back, keeping within the boundaries of friendship contact.

I ignored him until he asked again. "Shiloh, talk to me." "Why should I? Why should I talk to you when you won't talk to me?" I demanded. Clint's hand froze. "Is that why you're crying?" He asked, amazed. "Kind of. And why wouldn't I? I've known you for years, Clint. Years. But you won't talk to me about things like this?" I demanded, sobbing.

"Shiloh, I'm sorry. I really am...I...I do. I do love her. You might as well know that I long for her." He admitted. I sighed. "I'm sorry," I said. I was sorry that she felt the need to be so loyal to her country that she couldn't think about herself.

"That's not all, is it? You've been crying for months. What is it, Shiloh?" Clint asked. I remained silent, unsure how to answer him. I felt his arms around my waist. Clint effortlessly picked me up and set me on his lap. "What's wrong, Shy?" He asked, first brushing hair out of my eyes, and then using his thumb to wipe away my tears.

"That completion serum," I began. I choked, coughing. "What about it?" Clint asked, resting a hand on my back. "It healed me. I'm not going to die." I shook my head. "But what?" Clint asked softly. "It enhanced my abilities even more." I said. "That's a good thing, right?"

I shrugged. "I guess." "What's wrong, Shiloh? Tell me." Clint prodded. I took a deep breath, and then, through a sob, explained. "But it took away my ability to have children." I fought to control my tears, embarrassed.

Clint tightened his arms around me. "Oh, Shiloh." He murmured smpathetically. He swayed back and forth, pressing his jaw against my brow. "I'm so, so sorry." He said. "I never wanted this," I said, tears streaming down my face.

"I never wanted to fall in love. I never wanted to have children. I wanted to be a loyal servant to my country, and let nothing come between me and my job. Then I met Peter, and I let down my guard. And now it hurts. Oh, Clint it hurts so badly." I moaned.

"I assume that it does." Clint brushed my hair out of my eyes again. "But you have Andy, don't you? I know it's not the same, but it's wonderful, even if he isn't truly yours." Clint said.

Clint stood up. I was still in his arms. He carried me to the bathroom and turned on the faucet. Clint wiped water on my face and dried it carefully with a towel. He set me down. "You look beautiful. Hurt, and sad, but beautiful. Smile, Shiloh. It's your wedding night. Have fun, and don't dwell on things that you cannot change." Clint advised.

I nodded, and pulled all of my hair over my shoulder and began to braid it. "Thank you, Clint." I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. He hugged me tightly. "You're welcome, Shiloh. I love you." He said. I stepped back and smiled.

"There you go. And besides, Shiloh. You couldn't kick butt when you're pregnant." Clint teased. "I couldn't make anyone compliment me either," I laughed, giving him a shove. "Can you imagine me with a big round belly?" I asked, holding my arms out in front of me.

Clint paused and stared at the wall. "Clint? Are you okay? Earth to Clint." "Sorry. I was imagining the sight." He shook his head and grinned at me. "How ridiculous I would look?" I teased. "No. How beautiful you would look." Clint said. I gave him a look.

"Just think, Shiloh. Any man, seeing his beloved wife carrying his child. Wouldn't that be beautiful?" Clint grinned and winked at me. "Well then. Don't imagine me. Imagine your beloved partner." I joked, dancing out of his reach as he lunged for me.

I joined the party, laughing as Clint chased me. I thought back to what he said. "I do love her. I long for her." Poor, poor Clint. Natasha was too devoted to think of herself. She cared for Clint too much, even, to think about what he might feel for her.

Someone caught my arm and stood between me and Clint. I laughed around Peter at Clint. I noticed Peter give Clint a slight nod before teasingly protecting me from the agent. "I'm glad to see you smiling again." He whispered, spinning me into a dance.

"Clint's a good friend. I had to spill my guts to him, and he made me feel better." I said, smiling and closing my eyes as I leaned into Peter. "Yes. He is a good man." Peter agreed, twirling me out at arm's length and then Spinning me back into his chest.

"I love you, Shiloh." Peter murmured. "I love you, too, Peter."

It was midnight when everyone went to bed. Frankly, I was nervous. Wedding night? Not the same as a normal night as a single adult.

I slipped into the bathroom and changed into pajama bottoms and a tank top. Peter was laying on the bed when I came out. I walked past him to turn on the lamp. Then I spun around to get my book off the shelf. A hand closed around my wrist.

I looked down at Peter. He jerked me down, flipping me onto the bed. Peter rolled over and laid on me, smiling. I glanced up and saw all of the cameras in the room die. Peter pressed his lips to mine. And then electricity tingled up my spine. His hands masaged my shoulders, almost hesitant to go any lower.

I took his hands in mine and placed them on my chest. Peter began to handle me roughly. His mouth against mine felt good. We were unleashed, not held back, and he was taking advantage of it. Peter dropped his hands to my waist and pulled me to him, standing up. He moved away from the bed and shoved me against the wall.

I tightened my grip on his hair as his hands wandered shamelessly over my body and sent chills through my stomach. I wrapped my legs around his waist and his hands massaged the undersides of my thighs.

I moaned as he backed up and fell onto the bed, me on top. Before I knew what was happening, he had his hands under my shirt on my bare stomach. "I love you." He murmured.

And then he proceeded to show it. Coldness enveloped me as my shirt landed on the floor.


End file.
